


Purgatory

by voxnihili



Category: Naruto
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 12:56:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3937606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voxnihili/pseuds/voxnihili
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Itachi dies and finally gets to meet Shisui after all these years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purgatory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [malignedaffairs](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=malignedaffairs).



> this work is a tribute to malignedaffairs and her contribution to the shiita fandom. her artwork is literally the best of this fandom, so I tried to give her something back. even though it can't match her magnitude, I hope it inspires her to keep going. 
> 
> http://malignedaffairs.tumblr.com/ is an example of where you can find her glorious art

Itachi was engulfed in darkness, aimlessly wandering around.

It was as if Sasuke shaking in fear, eyes wide and frightened, was a sight burned into his mind, torturing him to no end.

It was the first time in a long time that Itachi had genuinely smiled. It had felt right to smile, even though now nothing felt right at all.

Seeing Sasuke was something that had kept Itachi going, and he thought that the final moment would have finally freed him from his pain. However, he only felt more and more bound by this hollowness and grief, as if it was stench that couldn't leave him, like it was his own shadow.

He felt lost. He was lost. He saw nothing, even with his sharingan. He heard nothing, besides the echo of his footsteps, stretching on for what seemed like miles away from here.

He felt self conscious, wondering whether he was still covered in his own blood, lesions and pale from whatever disease had decided to curse him - not that he hadn't deserved it.

He was lost, but he knew where he was. He knew he was dead, and not dreaming. He thought he'd find peace in death, but his thoughts were more louder and clearer now than ever.

He had nothing else to do but keep on walking, in hope to find the peace death couldn't bring him.

And in the distance, he did see a light. A small dot, but still something he couldn't ignore. Something he couldn't do anything about besides walking towards, even though he was fearful of what he might find. The only guiding beacon in this void, he kept on going but it seemed to never get closer.

Almost as if he was shipwrecked, trying to swim closer to the island, to the hope of survival at the horizon.

He seemed to walk for eternity, and grew aware of the fact that his body was feeling lighter and lighter, and not heavier like it used to. Nothing ached, nothing tired. His breath didn't start to grow laboured, he didn't need to heave for air. He just kept on walking, as if his body wasn't nothing to him anymore.

The glow grew closer, and warmer, and he could start seeing contours. He could see the stones surrounding him, as if residing in a cave, and as he raised his arms he saw that his skin looked as perfect as it had once been, smooth and pale with no residue of his life.

And the focus of his vision, where the glow radiated from, was a little fire, flickering and burning in the middle of all. And by the fire, the outlining of a figure.

He never let his eyes waver as he took his final step into the light, too see whose ghost had been sent to haunt him.

He had known all this time, but now he could be certain.

Shisui's eyes met his, and for a moment it felt like time was frozen. Which it probably was, in the place that they were in, but neither could bring themselves to move. At least not until Shisui finally stood up, making no attempts to approach Itachi.

"I've been waiting for you," Itachi heard those lips utter, and he was almost certain he'd forgotten what Shisui had sounded like.

Itachi closed his eyes, knowing he was dead but fearing he was only dreaming, that Shisui would be gone if he opened his eyes, or said something, or did anything at all.

He had waited so long, it had been so long, he couldn't bear it right now. But as he stood there, eyes closed and breathing, that moment never came.

He opened his eyes again, and took a careful step closer to Shisui. When all Shisui did was flash him a reassuring smile, Itachi sighed out of relief and walked up to him.

With caution, Itachi let his hand rise and touch the cheek of Shisui. He was afraid it would feel cold and stiff, like back then, but the flesh was warm and soft, flowing with life and veins coursing with blood. The relief felt overwhelming, and Itachi's other hand found Shisui's neck quickly, revelling in everything that was Shisui.

Itachi was taking shaky breaths now, frantically letting his hands touch the person he had longed to touch for so long, hands smoothing and trailing, going from his nape to his hair, hair soft like grass in spring.

Their lips met briefly, and Itachi felt Shisui's puffs of air hit his skin, those coarse lips touching his, and even if warmth was pooling in Itachi's stomach he had to pull away just to _look_ at Shisui again.

The most amazing thing about the man standing in front of him, however, was those eyes smiling back. Those beautiful eyes, of which the lids Itachi had to trace his thumbs across, were looking back at him and not those hollow, dark pits that cried tears of blood.

 _"Shisui," Itachi breathed out, as he saw the familiar and unmistakable form of his friend from behind._ _He tried running and running up to him, but Shisui was so distant._

_"Shisui!" Itachi called out, trying to reach the other male. Shisui, however, was as if nothing had been heard._

_But having called out, he could finally reach Shisui, his hand gripping Shisui's shoulder and forcing him around._

_Itachi yelled out as a hand came out to grip his throat, squeezing the life out of him as he watched the understanding friend of his frown at him with those bloody pits leering at him._

_"You failed me."_

_Itachi awoke with a gasp, his eyes flying open in the cool air of the night. He heard soft rustling in the distance, and the drip drip dropping in the moist cave. He raised his hand to brush off the cold sweat that had broken across his forehead._

_He let all wash through him in a deep sigh._

_"A nightmare, eh? I wonder what could shake a man like you," he heard Kisame make a remark, and he could almost taste the smirk he knew the other was wearing._

_Love, Itachi thought bitterly to himself, as he got up to leave the cave, to wash away all the pain in a stream of water nearby. He wondered whether that's actually what Shisui thought of him, if he thought anything at all._

Shisui was thrusting into him, breaching him with the familiar hardness of his cock, driving in and out.

Itachi's hands were gripping tight onto Shisui's shoulders, afraid to lose him.

He couldn't feel the cold of the ground he was lying naked on, nor the warmth of the fire from near him. All he could feel was Shisui filling him, completing him, and Itachi realized how empty he has been feeling all along, so content now that Shisui was there.

Shisui, with his panting against Itachi's ear, with his flesh so good under Itachi's hands, his back so strong wrapped under Itachi's legs, his member so hot inside him. Wherever Shisui's touches went, they raised goosebumps in their wake, they made Itachi shiver from the rushes that went through his spine, and grow bothered by the ache of his own cock.

He's felt so lifeless all along, but Shisui was waking something that has been deeply asleep in him for so long.

Itachi was pressing his heels against Shisui's ass in an attempt to connect them further, to drive him deeper. Itachi had grown greedy, needing, trying to make up all the time that had been lost.

Shisui's mouth latched itself onto Itachi's neck, making Itachi crane it more to give better access, moans and whimpers shamelessly leaving the usually restrained Itachi's mouth. Shisui's kisses were warm, a contrast to the cold moisture that they left behind, Itachi's skin growing more sensitive and himself growing more responsive by the minute.

He did nothing to prevent himself from letting his hands travel through the scalp of his lover, gripping the hair tight and pushing the head further down.

It made precum trickle down his own stomach, absentmindedly wondering if he's ever felt this ripe and ready for anything before.

And he wondered how he could feel this aware of his body now, when before he had seen Shisui he had felt weightless.

But after years of celibacy, years without release, there was no doubt of why he was feeling this way.

_Itachi listened to the rain tapping on the window, watching the trails they left behind on the rippled glass._

_He had had another dream of Shisui, and he was thankful that even after all these years, he and Kisame didn't share rooms whenever they sought shelter in an inn._

_His erection was straining in his pants, aching and demanding to be touched._

_He was trying to will it away, trying to ignore it. He didn't feel like he had the energy, and wasn't in the mood for it either._

_However, it was refusing to be ignored. His hand moved by own accord, watching the grey of the sky as his hand made its own path down his stomach, and slid underneath the waistband of his pants. He grabbed a hold of his cock and manoeuvred it to lay flat against his stomach, to give it more space._

_He tried giving it a few experimental strokes, but the hollow ache in his chest was stronger and he felt nothing. Numbness was a curse he lived with nowadays, food tasted like nothing, water could barely drench his thirst, and he couldn't smell the scent of anything._

_He pulled his hand away, and wiped it on the sheets as he sighed, turning to lie on his side, away from the window._

Itachi listened to Shisui's heart beat, the gentle thumping of his chest soothing to Itachi. Convinving him that Shisui was still there, alive, real.

He felt empty again, his ass stretched and clenching around nothing, tender and painful. It didn't matter, as he could feel Shisui's cum cooling in him. Besides, coming down from a high of an orgasm had left Itachi so relaxed and worn, that he barely noted the aching of his lower back.

His legs wrapped around Shisui's, as Shisui hand danced across his skin, trailing from the back to his hair, fingers playing around with strands before returning to their dance. Both of their breathing was levelled, calm, and as Itachi sighed out the cold air made Shisui visibly shiver and shift.

He had gotten his sexual release, but there were so many words unspoken between them, so much left, forgotten, so much Itachi had been waiting to say to Shisui but now that he had the chance he found himself unable to. These words that should have been spoken.

But Itachi had never found himself comfortable with sharing thoughts or feelings, and the reason why they had worked so well together in the first place had been Shisui's ability to read Itachi like an open book. Itachi had always depended on that, but it also made him quiet in times he shouldn't be.

Only because of this trust between them.

And frankly, Itachi was afraid to break the silence. To shatter the calm they had set.

But only words could let Itachi free from all feelings of betrayal and hurt that he's been holding inside him all these years. Only words could set free all the pent up, bottled anger Itachi's been carrying around, but instead he kept them locked up, like he cherished them.

He wanted to tell Shisui that he wanted to hate him for how he had left him alone, but how he never could bring himself to.

And thankfully, the silence was broken.

"Itachi," Shisui whispered, making Itachi's eyes flutter up to gaze at Shisui through lidded eyes. "I've been watching you. I'm proud of you."

Itachi could feel Shisui fingers press underneath tendons in his neck, as if trying to relieve tension. Itachi dropped his eyes immediately, afraid he'd finally cry after all this time if he kept looking.

Perhaps crying was the thing he needed, but that didn't make it easier. Nor did the fact that Shisui had given him an opportunity to speak make confessions easier either.

"You were forced to take a dark path, yet you never wavered. I'm sorry you had to do it alone."

Itachi chewed his lips. He had wanted this for so long, but he was unable to.

Perhaps talking about something not directly connected to Shisui would be easier.

"No one forced me to hurt Sasuke. And it was all in vain, I could have spared him from all that pain," Itachi whispered, afraid to make his voice heard. It was something that regretted him deeply, having Sasuke still be an enemy of Konoha, even though he had tried hard to prevent that.

_You could have spared my pain, too._

"You saved him from Orochimaru," Shisui tried, but Itachi wasn't convinced.

"You couldn't have known," he heard Shisui say.

"I should have known," Itachi countered, with hurt finally dripping from his voice.

"You talk as if everything that happened was your fault."

A fire engulfed Itachi's eyes, his neck snapping to glare at Shisui, ready to devour.

"You're right. You could have been there and guided me," he hissed, finally able to let go of his pride and tell Shisui what he felt.

Shisui's hand stilled, waiting for a moment before continuing in a comforting manner again.

"It was already too late for me. I couldn't have done any more."

"You talk as if you were weak," Itachi growled, his hand that rested against Shisui's stomach withdrawing itself.

"I gave you a power."

"A power you already possessed," Itachi countered, and stared at Shisui's widened eyes.

A silence settled between them again, the crackling of the fire finally audible, but the light of it was slowly diminishing, and Itachi turned his head to rest it against Shisui's chest again, trying to block out his own ragged breathing with Shisui's hearbeat.

"Even if I wanted to change it now, the past is past. We're dead, Itachi. I can't change what happened," he sighed, and Itachi silently cursed him.

"Easy for you to say," he whispered. It wasn't Shisui who had to face the consequences. No matter what, Itachi had still been through what he had. And even if it was past, it was still there to remind him.

"What do you want me to do?" Shisui asked, hand brushing strands of hair from Itachi's face.

"Nothing. Everything."

_Itachi was awake, taking his turn to keep watch. It didn't matter though, since he barely slept anymore. He couldn't bear facing his mistakes in his dreams, he preferred to run from them._

_He did what he'd been doing for a while now. Perhaps it was risky or stupid, but Itachi couldn't help himself._

_He sat with the crow resting on the black and red of his cloak, petting its soft feathers as he peacefully looked at the eye it held._

_He wondered whether Shisui could see everything through it._

_And if he did, could he see everything that Danzo saw, as well._

_Or perhaps it was just the crow's eye now, and nothing more but the promised power. A power Itachi would probably never use, a power Itachi never needed in the first place.  
_

_His thoughts kept him company, like they always did. Thoughts that plagued him and he had thought of so many times, but couldn't stop thinking of._

_Of the choices he had made. Or hadn't made. Of the path he had taken._

_Of his mother's words. She said she had known, but had she truly?_

_Of Shisui, and whether he had managed to fulfil his wish, if Shisui hated him for what he'd done.  
_

_And of Sasuke, if the path Itachi had chosen for him was the right one._

_But Itachi knew the thoughts were only there to torment him. There was no redemption, so it was pointless dwelling on things that could have been._

"You don't have to forgive me, you know."

_I forgave you a long time ago._

"I can't stay much longer."

Itachi's small, artificial peace was finally shattered. He had known this was going to happen, hadn't he?

_He couldn't, he wouldn't. Shisui can't leave. Not again._

"Why?" Itachi asked, instead of confessing what he felt.

"I was here to watch you, to wait for you... I finally met you. I can find peace now."

_What about my peace?_

"I can't come with you, yet," Itachi said, fists balled and trembling. He had too many earthly regrets to leave the purgatory. He had to wait for Sasuke.

He felt like his younger self had, standing there on the cliff, knowing and watching what was going to happen.

Feeling so helpless and fragile, about to have his world shattered. And it was all happening again.

"I know, Itachi," Shisui sighed. "But you'll come for me when you're ready, we'll be with each other for eternity then."

Those words should have been comforting, but they weren't. Itachi only felt like he had been waiting for this for forever, and was given it to have it snatched from him. It was cruel, a cruel thing to do to him.

He had waited to see Shisui for so long, wanting to speak to him for ages, and now that he had, he felt everything else but satisfaction. Was it disappointment?

"Where are my parents?" Itachi asked instead, eyes searching Shisui's.

"They're already in the Pure Land. You'll see them as well, when the time is right."

The fire had almost burned out now, and Shisui's warmth with it.

"I'll be seeing you, Itachi."

Itachi didn't have any words left for Shisui. He wanted to tell him not to leave again, but the words got stuck in his throat, as if a lump prevented any sound to be formed.

It would have been too late anyway, as the last light flickered before dying completely, Shisui's warmth disappearing into thin air. And Itachi was alone in the darkness, again.

Itachi finally allowed himself to cry. He had everything taken from him, once again.

He'd be waiting for Sasuke, and dreaming of Shisui.

Just like he'd always done.


End file.
